11/11/99

Good luck to all those competing the weekend of November 20 at River Falls. If you need more inspiration, please consult banner in the 4N6 office.

There will be a general member meeting on Wed. November 17 at 6 o'clock. Afterwards all those interested will be heading to Perkins. If you are interested please email Suzy so that driving arrangements can be made. Her email address is: graupnerslOl

Also, feel free to email Suzy just to say "hi".

Suzy also wanted it to be known that her mentees rule. I would like to add that in addition to Suzy's mentees, Brian's, Alec's, Christine's, Shane's, Ben's, Teresa's, Tina's, Beth's, and Laura's mentees also rule.

Another item of which Suzy wanted mention is the fact that there is a coffee flavored PEZ.

Suzy ALSO wanted the team to know that "Hang on Sloopy" is the official rock song of Ohio. Thanks for that nugget of information, Suzy. If anyone else has any "official state..." tidbits that they would like to share, or if anybody has any information about additional underground PEZ flavors, please write it down and put it in the "Put Submissions in Here" box in the 4N6 office.

We have Christine to thank for our inspirational quote of the week. It comes from George on "Seinfeld". "Do you ever go down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?" Yes, Christine, we do. :)

If anyone would like to give thanks to Christine, please put your message in the "Put Submissions in Here" box in the 4N6 office!

Comments? Suggestions? News? Strange facts or updates on "Turban Man"? Please, place them in the-- you guessed it-- "Put Submissions in Here" box in the 4N6 office!!! Thanks for reading and see you next week!

: )





11/18/99

Good afternoon!! Here's the newsletter to cover what we did and talked about at the November 17th meeting................

This weekend is competition at UW-River Falls! Here are the pickup spots, beginning at 3:30pm on Friday, in case you missed them:

WELLS: Ben, Camisha, Billie Jean, Julie, and Erin
WHITE: Shierlie & Tina
BENSON: Christine, Suzy, Jim, and Brenda
PRINCE & MAIN: Ginger & Beth


Good luck and have fun to all!! The next competition will be on December 3rd and 4th at UW-Stout. See Shane if you would like to compete or observe.

*If you are competing, Jeanine would like you to see her once/week for coaching. *

Sorber Planning Has Begun - - - - -
The committee met after the general meeting to go over the itinerary for planning the weekend of Sorber. We would like to have ideas for themes by the next meeting in two weeks, so feel free to give any suggestions you may have to help out!

After the meeting, Julie, Christine, Ginger, Alec, and Beth went to Perkins restaurant for a "social." Julie would like to request another team "trip" to the restaurant because she's running low on silverware and salt shakers. The social committee will keep you updated on this possibility!! :)

The decorating committee will be looking around for some ideas to cover the window. If anyone would like to join them shopping after Thanksgiving, call Sandi at 3068 (on campus).

Susy says, "If you have not yet filled out a point sheet, please do so. If you have, please keep it updated. It will help a lot later. Thank you!"

Tips of the week:
1. Think safety when playing footsie-always wear socks.
2. If you get poked in the eye by something sharp, LEAVE THE OBJECT IN! Chances are, if you remove the object (candy corn or pen cartridge) the fluid will drain from your eye and YOU'LL GO BLIND! (brought to you by Susan Graupner and Turban Man)


"Random Thoughts" by Beth

1. "I've learned you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic and give in!!"

2. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

3. You can dance, you can jive. Having the time of your life. See that girl, watch that scene. She is the dancing queen.

4. Varsity, Varsity. Praise to thee Wis-con-sin! Praise to thee we sing. Praise to our alma mater! U-rah-rah Wi-i-is-con-on-sin!

5. If you want to be a Badger, just come along with me by the bright shining light of the moon!

6. "If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, come on baby let me know!" - Rod Stewart

7. I believe the E-board is really a team of superheroes ready to save the 4N6 circuit from ISU and Bradley. Or I could just be drunk!

8. Richard Simmons continues his workout-guru popularity. This success is forcing many citizens to ask one burning question: WHY??

9. Christine saw Turbin Man in Racine on Tuesday. Could he be related to Whitewater's Turban Man? Studies may follow......

**Why are Suzy and Beth the only contributors?? This newsletter is like the Royal Purple, except it's well-written and read by more people.. .says Beth

The next general meeting will be on December 1st. Stayed tuned for more info!





12/2/99

Julie's LIVe Newsletter

Note: the chair by the computer in the forensics office needs a good oiling!

Thank you to all of those that attended yesterday's general member meeting. We are taking nominations for treasurer. There will be an election on Nove- umm, Deci... dang it! Decemv... hmmm, this might be a long newsletter. Elections will be held on December 15! oh, I feel so much better now!

Good luch. *AHEM* Good LUCK to all of those attending UW-STOUT this weekend.

If a person were to run over the White House cat, would they be charged with a federal offense?

An announcement of (and for? maybe from? Yes, that was supposed to be an announcement FROM) Jim:

I will be forming a support group for students abused by candy corn.

call me iff you need somebody to talk to.

Don't worry, Don't be ashamed, others are outt there.

Jim Disrude Candy Corn Victim

f M Let my Let me try again. Mentors are bad role models when they get speeding tickets. Yes, that's it. I finally got a whole sentence out there without any mistakes. I'm going to move on now, before I push my luck with all of this typing!

Are we doomed yet?

Ode to Jo -sorry Jim- Ode to Jim Disrude:

You never close your eyes anymore
when I kiss your lips...

YOU'VE LOST THAT LOVIN' FEELING!
WHOA, THAT LOVIN' FEELING! You've
lost that lovin' feeling
now it's
gone.. .
gone.. .
gone.. .
who-o-a.

Two brief clips from "Ode to Julie, my hero!" By: Beth Wheelock, my personal hero and, coincidentally, my mentor. :} awww...

"Perhaps I need a twelve-step program to help me get over...

(If you thinkthat yo hmmm. . .. If you think that you know how this sentence ends, submit your thout to stout lalala. Submit your l thoughts in the "Put Submissions in Here" bodx in the forensics office.)

"Or perhaps people need to start putting morestuff into the submissions box so they won't be subjected to my ramblings..

That was a call fron and from Beth Wheelock, the president of the team, to submit contributions to the newsletter by way of hte the bodx, as I will now obviously be spelling the word (commonly, the word foolishly spelled. b-o-x). Thank you for your time and patience, but oh no, this newsletter is not done yet!! Feel my POWER!!! Sorry, minor digression.

Thank you, Beth- or should I say Dr. Beth Evil, for the following:

"Julie has reddish brown hair, some freckles, and can do the eyebrow movements. I shall call her MINI-ME! Ha! (Just kidding!)"

Beth, if I get another cat, I shall dub it Mr. Bigglesworth.

Since we're on the topic of Beth, Ginger would like to say:

"I'm sorry Beth, but I can't see you for the rest of the year. I'm running out of dresses.

FYI....
Jim looks funny when he runs.
If you want to know what Jim would say about the previous FYI comment, no farther than the next sentence!
Jim's respones (that's French for RESPONSE) ...
"You look funny when you're running scared from Suzy."

The Wisconsin state soinl is Antigo Silt Loam. Coincidentally, that is also the state soil!

"I wish I could fly." Don't we all, though? Don't we all?

And the forensics guys are here to clean up!

Harrison Ford attended Ripon College.

The forensics MEN (did you see how I capitalized that word to give it a "tough" appearance? Clever, eh?) would like to say: LIGHTWEIGHTS! FINISH THE PIZZA!

An announcement from BetH:

Observe the team quote list:
-"You'll always be the tag in my underwear, Alec" --Beth
-"Have you ever SMELT a Parisian?" -Alec
-" Shiedl your knees! Christine has a bat!" --Suzy
(By the way, if' you would like to know more about the ancient art of "shiedling" please ask me for a pamphlet the next time that you see me.)
-"Show me the wood!" --Jeanine
-"I'm not your monkey... Oh, no, baby, I'm a big ape!" --Alec

Notice a pattern? THESE QUOYES ARE MADE BY THE SAME PEOPLE! Please start recoirding funni things said around the office, or at 4N6 related events. Thank you! ..

Alec would like to warn Beth and Suzy to sleep with an eye oopen. Evil could strike at any time! Not put me in the minutes, eh? You just wait... I'll get even… evil! Evil! *deg,enerates into insane babbling* (Insert manly chuckle here)

tj..The forensics MEN (eh? that's right, more effective use of: the thing known as capitalization!) believe it takes a strong, confident person to write a live newsletter. Thereby, we hereby commend Julie for her effors and endeavors.

My response:
I would like to first of all thank the forensics MEN for their support and encouragement. Secondly, I would like to make quick mention fo the fact thta they did indeed submint the word "effors" in that comment, but itn in in, IN, peopel, the work... ack! The WORD IS IN! THE WORD IS IN, PEOPLE! 'THE WORD IS IN!!!!!! LOOK AT THE PENGUIN! HELP THE DISEASED MOON PEOPLE! WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Please disreartd the previous paragraph. Allow me to try again…

I would like to first of all thank the forensics MEN for their support and encouragement. Secondly, I would like to mention that in their submission they did indeed exclude the 't' in the word "efforts". Wow, am I glad that I went through all of that trouble to point out their one small error. I'm sure that their one mis-spel1ing will divert your attention away from all of my mistakes, digressions, and so forth…. Hey, I can hope!!;

Well, I hate to end this newlsletter, but everything must eventually come to an end. Since this whole newsletter has essentially been a string of quotes, there will be no official "Quote of the Week". I motion to adjurn the newsletter. Alec, would you like to secondthat motion? It might get you in the minutes.





12/9/99

Hi Everyone!!

Wow, lot's of stuff to go over, so here _ go!! !

OLD BUSINESS........
Congratulations to all of those who competed at UW-Stout last weekend. A second congratulations to Jim (who placed 5th) and Christine (who placed fourth).

We had a lot of fun, well, most of us - - Tina slept most of the weekend and Beth found herself swimming in the pool unvoluntarily! !! Those who competed demonstrated their victory/loss by performing a dance - the "Strokn'" or "Time Warp".

NEW BUSINESS.. . ... ..
Holiday Party - Sunday, December 12th - Chris Berry Lounge in Wells Hall -6pm. Call Susan if you have any questions.

SORBER
The planning committee is working with Shane to decide on a theme and choose trophies. We are still looking for possible themes, so if you have any suggestions, tell Shane by next Wednesday.

UPDATES.. ...
The decorating committee has put its minds together to come up with the idea of having mini-blinds with curtains. We were also thinking of purple and white for the colors. If anyone has any suggestions/good ideas, email Pam Linker (sweetoneO6@yahoo.com) or Sandra Lawrence (SandiDee98@yahoo.com).

Pam Linker is trying to get a running list of everyone who is certified to judge high school forensics. Please let her know (sweetoneO6@yahoo.com) as soon as you can.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK. . . . . .

"Teach me to stroke it & it'll all be good." (Tina)

"Don't they have a cage for those little bastards?" (Christine, from the College of Education)

"I'm gonna need a bumper sticker for when I'm living in this van down by the river." (Suzy)

"I'm sorry, I don't get what's going on with the reproductive system." (Tina)

"Is there a copy machine upstairs, seeing I have to learn about this stuff?" (Tina-immediately after the previous quote!!)





12/15/99

Hey guys I First of all, I'd like to wish you all a merry Christmas; happy Hanukkah, happy Kwaanza, or no holiday at all if that's what you celebrate. Anyway, have a great time!

We had a meeting on Wednesday the 15th, and we appointed a new treasurer.. .Ginger Gerondale! Congrats, Ginger! I know you'll do a great job.

I'd like to call everyone's attention to the orange banana from the Forensics office. It was in the Newsletter Box, so you know it's important. If you have the opportunity to look at it, please do so. It's great.

We're having a retreat at Chula Vista resort on January 16th.
If you want to go, please give Jeanine a $10 by Friday. This is a WORKING retreat, people, so that means that when you come you'd better have a piece to work on! It'll be a lot of fun, so drop your deposit by if you want to come!

Also in the newsletter box this week was a telephone with, "4N6 Newsletter: Just like You Make The Call but. ..FUNNY!" That was Beth's contribution. Thanks, Beth! That was really creative. :}

They don't have yo-yos in Loyal. This was proven when Ben mistook a tape measure for a yo-yo. Maybe you'll understand someday, Ben.

If you have a chance, come check out the original poem (written by me - Christine) in the Forensics office called "The Night Before Sorber." I was going to put it in here, but it was just way too long. Sorry, guys!

Good luck on finals, you all! See you in January! And, as always, if you have any comments or contributions put them in the box in the Forensics office. They're always appreciated.





1/27/00

Team Quiz Question
Ben's last name is spelled:
A. Olsin B. Olsen C. Olsan D. Olson
The answer will be at the end of this newsletter.

To all those that went to COD, good work! For all those that didn't, what the heck were you thinking? Get in gear!!!! (Oh wait, I didn't go either...)

From College of DuPage...

"If I were a cow I'd hunt you down like I was in heat." --Ben

This weekend is the MAFL swing in Iowa. Christine Granger, Ben Ols*n (ah, thought I'd give you the answer to the "Team Quiz Question" that easily, hm?), Shane Krukowski, Beth Wheelock, Sheirlie Vella, and Julie Globokar are all competing. Jeanine will be joining us, as will be observer Anna Woodman. Good luck!!!

Sheirlie has offered to host a social at her place at some point in the near future. Look for more details as they unfold. (Note: These details will not be unfolding quickly enough to be included in this newsletter. Sorry for any inconvenience that this may cause.)

For those of you looking for that "special someone" I offer these ads from Sun...
Correctional Institute Inmate. American male, 44, blond, blue eyes; enjoys the beach, all water sports, auto racing. Looking for that special someone.

Correctional Institute Inmate. Beautiful, dominant, single black female seeking submissive male, any age or race, reliable, supportive, for LTR.

We're still lookihg for judges for the Sorber tournament in February...

"Well, that was a wasted sexual innuendo." --Shane

Team members are now expected to sign up for one office hour per week. You can sign up on the sheet that is posted on the door of the forensics office. Make sure that you sign up for a time that Jeanine is in her office or an E-board member has office hours. Otherwise, you won't be able to get into the office!!!

"Residence Hall Association. Does that have something to do with DORMS?"--Ben

I would like to call to the attention of the team that there is a disk in the newsletter submissions box in the 4N6 office. Not just any disk. A disk that says "Sorber" on it. It would be really cool if there were other things in the box, too. Like submissions. J Okay, we did have a couple for this newsletter, but we could always use more.

To all those who went to Chula Vista...

; ) *wink*

To all the rest of you, you'll just never understand. Now aren't you sorry that you didn't go? Next time an opportunity like that comes up, don't let it slip through your fingers!

Okay, I'll say a little bit about the trip. A few of us went to Chula Vista (a resort in Wisconsin Dells) to work on our pieces. And relax. And hang out. Okay, we managed to do a little bit of practicing... Sonny DeGuzman, one of our alumni, works at the resort and was able to give us students a super deal. He was also able to give Jeanine the Safari Suite. Now that's power. :)

For all of you that have been waiting in suspense to see if you know the spelling of Ben's last name, the answer was D-- Olson. OLSON, OLSON, OLSON, OLSON, OLSON... OLSEN! Um, I mean, OLSON! Sorry.

diapersbedamned.com

Adults should not have to wear diapers.





2/3/00

Hello Everyone! !

Here's the Newsletter for the week!

OLD BUSINESS...............

Congrats to those who competed and participated at COD and the UNI/Cornell Swing. The competitors at COD were Christine, Shane, Beth, and Jim. The competitors at the UNI/Cornell Swing were Christine, Ben, Beth, Shane, Sheirlie, and Julie. We had a new attendee at this Swing-we'd like to welcome her to the team - her name is Anna Woodman - - Welcome Anna! Sonny DeGuzman also accompanied the team to the COD tournament.

CURRENT BUSINESS.. ... ... ..

Just a brief note about the volunteer opportunity coming up soon... . Beth invites all that are interested in becoming tutors at Whitewater's local Lincoln Elementary School. The training starts NEXT WEEK, so if you are interested, let Beth know by Friday, Feb. 4th, which is tomorrow!!!

FUTURE BUSINESS... ,

We will be having our next team meeting on Sunday, Feb. 6, at 8:30pm. If you are not able to make it for the meeting, PLEASE let one of the E-board members know in advance.

The next tournament(s) will be on the weekend of Feb. 12-13. UW-Eau Claire is hosting the tournament on Feb 12, and uW-Stout's tournament is on Feb 13. Uw-Stout's may be held at UW-Eau Claire. There will be more info given at the team meeting this Sunday.

SORBER - - - It's coming up, and coming up FAST!!! It is taking place on Feb. 27th. We have decided on the theme of "Women of the Last Century." We will be naming the rooms in Heide, so if there is a woman from the last century that you feel deserves to be recognized, please mention it at the meeting on Sunday when we begin discussing the plans of SORBER.

BOX SUBMISSIONS... .. . ... .

A BIG THANKS to TINA for cleaning the office... It looks great Tina!

"Diamonds burn if you heat them to between 1,400 to 1,600 Degrees Fahrenheit."

"Herbert Hoover was the 1st US President born West of the Mississippi."

"What do they mean when they say 'STD'? Oh Beth-I think we all know!"

Quotes from UNI/Cornell Meet..
"You take a man's heart and (??) a man's soul," Says Shane (Shane clarify the ?? on Sunday! I don't want to get you in trouble!!)

"You take a risk crossing the street in the morning, you take a risk wearing bras," Says Shane

"It was really small but stacked," says Beth

"Damn it, my mom told me never to sleep with professors," says Julie

"You fell off the bed impersonating Jesus," says Christine

OTHER SUBMISSIONS..... Beth says......
"The women have won the battle, war, & everything else Shane and Ben can think to call it. It's not a Stalemate! Face it, pansies! You DON'T know how to PILLOW FIGHT!!"

"It is snowing. I like snow. I want a snow day so I won't have to go to school. I'm sick of school."

"Make sure you listen to 91.7 every Tuesday morning. Beth is playing Retro-music from 8am-lOam. You can call in your requests at 472-1312 or 473-1314. It's all good!!"

"These tabloids ain't gonna read themselves, kids!"

**There was a trophy and a disk labeled SORBER on it in the Submissions Box, so I have no idea what that is to imply for including in the newsletter, so Shane will fill us in on Sunday at the meeting, so stay tuned. . . . . . . . . . .

I'm signing out for the afternoon, you all have fun tonight, and be SAFE!!!





2/17/00

Okay, fellow forensicators. Sit back, relax, and prepare yourself for ONE HECK OF A NEWSLETTER!!! And, "By all means, unsanitize my toilet paper," while you're at it.

To all of those that went to Eau Claire (Ben, Shane, Jim, Beth, Christine, Suzy, Julie, and :) Sonny), good work and hopefully we all had a lot of fun. For those that didn't go, nobody broke this time around, but Ben came EXTREMELY close both days of the swing tournament. Ahh, he makes us proud. : )

Speaking of Ben, a wise man (Shane Krukowski) once said, "Besides, you underestimate the power of Ben's *sshole." Isn't Shane just dreamy? Speaking of which, as it turns out, some of the UWEC forensics girls seem to have a little crush on Shane...

"He's got the collicks, he's got the rash, he's every girl's dream." --Christine

Jim Disrude was pretty popular with the ladies in Eau Claire. He said it himself: "I can attract the old drunk women like nothing," and also explained at one point, "It's not how big your tractor is, it's how many fields you plow."

Beth would just like to announce that as a team, we must have standards and know where to draw the line... In her own words, "We put condoms on doors. We do NOT PULL FIRE ALARMS!".

Speaking of condoms, "I think I'm about to break my first condom!". (Sorry. .. long story. It was said in complete innocence, I swear. Then again, "If we say they can call us at any time, does that make us call girls?". "Oooh!... but then I'm easy that way." Yup, I said all of that. Can you believe it?)

I would like to express my heartfelt appreciation to Jeanine for providing me with a luggage carrier for my extemp. files. It was practically a life-saver. Except... "Are there stairs? Oh, #@$&!" Well, it did help, but I admit that it will take some getting used to. Okay, a lot of getting used to.

******COOL CD MIA********
Attn forensics members:
As of Feb. 13, an unnamed suspect still has not returned a certain cd of Beth Wheelock's. The cd was an internet compilation album, featuring such songs as: Loser, by Beck; Crash, by Dave Matthews; Song Two, by Blur; Fight for Your Right, by the Beastie Boys; and Beth's only copy of her favorite song... WITH OR WITHOUT YOU, by U2. We mourn the loss. : (

*******ADDITIONAL NOTE FROM THE "EDITOR"********
As Beth's mentee, if she doesn't get her cd back soon, I may have to "regulate," whatever that means. It's just like Beth says: "You can't deny the falling sock". Umm... okay, maybe that quote didn't fit there. But you'd be suprised where crazy stuff just turns up... For example, Nixon, or things filled with ice. Sorry, I'll stop with the odd rantings (for now).

"Then, as a team-builder, let's have everybody Wang Chung tonight!" --Julie

Shane also wants people to get together at other times this weekend to work on Sorber. UWEC girls would kill for this opportunity... Don't miss your chance!!! For specifics, call the forensics office, as I'm not sure about times, etc.

Oh God! It's the man we've all been dreaming of! Our savior, the man who will make Shane a Queen!" --Julie

To all of those who missed Eau Claire, Suzy might have this to say to you: "It's like getting a live cow and just a spoon!"

There once was a man named John Doe (not on our team, but it would still be inappropriate to say his name), and... "He's like a hummingbird on Ritalin!" --Christine

What a relief for Beth. "Luckily, I brought my caution tape," she was quoted as saying. "And you thought it was just my Wonderbra."

I voiced my opinion that "Christine is superifficc!". "Yeah," she replied, "except I keep breaking out in those pesky seizures."

Speaking of Christine, here's a message from her: "Before you use the Forensics Eudora to send a mass email to the team, please ask me first. Otherwise, I feel guilty for not having clairvoiantly sensed that you needed an email sent."

It snowed a lot in Eau Claire. Snow is cold...

BRRR.. .

"Oh, now I have more snow in my shoes. Snow that could kill a small rat." --Julie
"Or a hedgehog." --Suzy

REMINDER!!! There will be a meeting this Sunday at 8:30 at night. It will take place in Salisbury 330. Show your dedication to the team by showing up.

"Dedication is buying more eyeliner. Magic Marker is stupidity." --Christine

For all those who were wondering, "It'll be sticky, but it'll be all good." --Suzy

Thank you to Ben, Sheirlie, and Shane for cleaning the office! !

Insert your own quote here!!! Next week, it could be your words of wisdom appearing in our newsletter. All that you have to do is drop submissions in the "Put Submissions in Here" box in the forensics office.

Note: Fruity Nutcake and Nutty Fruitcake are really interchangeable.

How's this for the next best thing to "Sesame St on Ice"?

Beth: We could put Condoms on Ice!
Julie: It would be like Disney, only better!

"I think I have rugburn on my *ss!" (This interlude has been brought to you by Suzy, always willing to shed a bit of sunshine on our day!)

"Wait a minute, why would a JUDGE fake an injury?

Oh, maybe it was real..." --Julie

From the "Put Submissions in Here" box in the forensics office: "Okay. Serious suggestion!" (Can you tell how serious? I mean it's on a Subway napkin.)

Can we get it set up so the forensics printer works off purple points?

"Brass monkey!

That funky monkey!" --Beastie Boys

Jim: "Oh shoot, that just kind of sprayed right out of there."

"You didn't clean around our condom. No tip for you." --Christine
(I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the housekeeping staff of the Holiday Inn on behalf of our entire forensics team... For all of you that are wondering, though, we did end up cleaning up after ourselves pretty well.)

"I gave her the card, and she did "something" with it." --Ben

"And then, when your ego explodes in your face, it's like rain." --Julie

Remember, Rock Valley is coming up the same weekend as Sorber. Sign up/ see Jeanine if you plan on attending.

Well, this has been quite the newsletter, and for those of you brave enough to stick it out through the whole thing and read it in its entirety, thank you... We'll end with an appropriate quote from Beth Wheelock, originally in response to a conversation that she and I were having with two guys on our team... "Please god. Make the pain stop." And so it shall be... :)





2/24/00

Hola Forensicators!

Here's your newsletter for the week.

Welcome to Hell Week at the Forensics office! This isn't as pertinent now as it was when I submitted it on Sunday, but you get the idea.

Also in the Submissions box: I submit! I submit! Thank you, Beth.

Sheirlie says that frogs are lucky because they can eat whatever bugs them. Thank you, Sheirlie.

To the rest of you: thanks for nothing!

If you want to do something really great and productive this weekend, help out at the Sorber tournament this Sunday! Just show up in the Heide Hall lobby at 7 am. If you want to sign up, you can write your name on the dry erase board in the office, or just come on Sunday.

Good luck to all attending the Rock Valley tournament on Saturday: Jim, Christine, Ben, and Sheirlie. I'm not sure who-all is competing at the Sorber, so I won't even try to list your names. Watch for them in the next newsletter.

And, since I (Christine) am writing this newsletter, you know that it has to have a few explitives. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Thank you for your time.

Remember, if you have something you want to say, or pointlessness you want to spread, put it in the "Put submissions in here" box in the office. They make this newsletter a lot longer and much more entertaining!





3/2/00

If any of you haven't been in the forensics office this week but are planning to compete at State, there is a message here for you.

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE

(How'd I do, guys?)

In the submissions box,

I found awards.

Achievement Award 1994-1995
1st place impromptu at Harper 2000
6th place entertainment at Harper 2000
5th place tabloid extemp at Sorber 2000 (wait a minute, we didn't even have that category!?)

I take this to mean that we want to win more, namely at state. I also got that impression from the "Reserved for the TEAM SWEEPS Trophy from STATE" sign located in the submissions box. Hmmm...

There was also a STAR Magazine in the box. Lisa Marie Presley's "winning" smile is on the cover, I guess for inspiration. And-- wait a minute, STAR is only two letters away from being STATE. Coincidence? I don't think so.

There is a shot glass in the box. This must be for all of us that will be celebrating after State? I'm not quite sure.

There were two cough-suppressants in the box, One cherry and one menthol eucalyptus. I guess that this was to show us that we have a choice, in both cough drops and life. And judging by all of the signs around the office, someone wants us to make the choice to WIN AT STATE!

Since I'm getting kind of tired of typing up all of this stuff on State, as I'm sure that all of you are sick of reading about it, I'll move on to quotes found in the box.

"Let's win at State! We should have some sort of pep rally.. LET'S HAVE A NEWSLETTER PEP RALLY! Go team, go!"

Hey, wait a minute. . .!! !

Okay, here's one: "You and me Suzy ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it as they do on the Discovery Channel. Gettin' horny now!!" Whoever left this submission, I'd like to second it. 'cept for the "Gettin' horny now" part, because I usually don't use the word "horny".

"HASN'T ANYONE ELSE HEARD ABOUT THE TONYA HARDING- HUBCAP INCIDENT?!!"

I would like to apologize for leaving the following quote out of the newsletter a couple of weeks ago: "That's the cutest talking moose I've ever seen!"

Well, I suppose that I should reiterate some stuff about State. WIN!!! Oh,wait, there's more. WIN SOME MORE!!! Urn, I mean... we'll be leaving from the forensics office tomorrow (Friday) at 2:30. Otherwise, get a hold of Jeanine to let her know where you need to be picked up!

(FUN!) This Sunday, Sheirlie will be having a social at her house. People will be leaving from the forensics office. (FUN!) If you would like to go (all are invited), meet in the forensics office at 5pm on Sunday. (FUN!)

The suggestion has been made to start calling Ben "Bull." This is not only because of his striking resemblance to the character on Night Court, but also because of the "smooth" line of, yes, BULL that he pulled at Sorber when he and Jim were caught posing nude on top of a competitor's car.
Okay, I withdraw the previous sentence. They were just posing next to the car. But it was almost as embarrassing... So, Ben, if you would be our "Bull," we would hunt you down like we were in heat. What do you say? Do you accept the nickname?

On that note, I'll be in touch with you with my next newsletter in a couple of weeks. Until then, PRACTICE. Urn, I mean: Until then, I'll trust all of you to the care of Christine and Sandy. ;}





3/10/00

Good morning fellow Forensic members!! This is your pal Sandi and I'll be hosting the newsletter this morning! So sit back, relax, and drink a nice BIG mug of hot cocoa or coffee if you prefer (morning sludge, yuck!), cause it's a cold one out there! Got lots of stuff to tell you all - - Here we go!!

First of all, the whole team is extending a HUGE congratulations to our State competitors! Thanks to Julie, Christine, Beth, Suzy, Sheirlie, Ben, Jim, Shane, and Tina, our team placed 3rd overall AND....

SHANE = **2ND PLACE** - ADS

TINA = **4TH PLACE** - POI

CHRISTINE = **6TH PLACE** - INFORMATIVE

BEN = **6TH PLACE** - PERSUASION

JIM = **2ND PLACE** - IMPROMPTU **4TH PLACE** - ADS

BETH = **3RD PLACE** - ADS

WAY TO GO TEAM! !

A big thank you to Sheirlie for holding a fabulous social at her apartment in Fort. She "has a talent for pot roast! Thanks." That's straight out of the Newsletter submission box, so I'm hoping that's an indication that that isn't the last time we hop over to Fort! (I'm sorry I missed that pot roast Sheirlie!!)

Don't forget team, we have a meeting on Sunday, Room 330 of Salsbury at 8:30pm. If you are unable to make it on Sunday, please let an E-board member know so that he/she can fill you in on the important details that will be covered at the meeting... I hear we're having a party??!!

SUBMISSIONS from fellow teammates.......

"Suzy's right thumb tastes like sugar." ?????oh my!!!!!

"My underwear has officially become part of me," says Suzy. (Wow, Suzy has had quite a week!)

"Good thing we don't have a quote sheet going, cuz eating a box of condoms would be bad!" - Suzy, what kind of stuff goes on at State???

Julie says, "I'll be damned if I bought 3 condoms for nothing. Let me know if another drunk lady hits on Jim." - - Look out Jim!!

Don't forget that on March 14, at 7pm, the team will be participating in "Take Back the Night." If you did not receive the email from Beth in regards to this event, here are the details: March 14th at 7pm. We'll probably meet in the office at 6:45 and then walk over to the CA recital hall together.

There's 3 parts of the evening. First, there's a program in the CA featuring guest speakers on campus safety and sexual assault. There's also an open mike for audience participation.

Next we all walk down Wyman mall carrying candles, ending in White Hall for refreshments.

This is a great way to take a stand for what you believe in as well as show support for the message that this "Night" represents!

If you have any further questions, contact Beth (x473-8689).

Good luck to those that have qualified and will be competing at NATIONALS!!

Ben, Shane, Christine, Beth, and Jim

We know you will represent the team well, and kick some *%&#!!

Until next time team, have a fun and safe weekend!

Hope to see everyone at the meeting on Sunday, 330 Salsbury, 8:30pm....

Sandi





4/6/00

LIVE NEWSLETTER!!!

You know what? Just scratch that whole last section. This "Live" stuff isn't easy, just ask George Clooney. A Nominations meeting was held this past wednesday for the upcoming school year. The Nominations will be open until Wednesdayo, which comes within one day of Thursdayo and Tuesdayo, but this is what we have so far:

President: Shane Krukowk... ahem... Shane Krukowski and Beth Wheelock
Vice President: Christine Granger and Ju (oh, Jim, why do I always do this to you?) Jim Disrude
Secretary: Sandy Lawrence and Suzy Graupner
Treasurer: NO NOMINATIONS! ! ! ANARCHY!!! CHAOS!!! HELP US ALL! ! !
SUBMIT! Urn, pe... pleae AHHH... please submit your ni... nominations, I mean. :) Oh, the relief of that sentence being over!!! AHHHHhhhh :)
Membership Liason: Christine Granger and Sandy Lawrence
Programmer: Ben Olson

A description of the duties of each office is posted in the office. Okay, repetition. Allow myself to introduce... myself. Okay, the duties of each positions (Ignore the's' You saw no's') are posted in the office. Much better. Kind of.

If your ID breaks, DO NOT try to melt it back together! It doesn't melt, it just burns! --Well, sic- since this wasn't signed, but I think that I know who wrote it I'll try to be discrete. Christine G. What? that's too obvo--er-- obvious. How about... C Granger. Yes, that's better.

Hey, guys, i look like Ben Affleck. -Alec (by this er by THE way, this may have been taken slightly out of context. Just slightly.)

Just one more reminder. If you haven't been in the fornensics office since srpring break, stop in to see the brilliant new color that was decided on for our walls! Just cheers the place right up, if I may say so mighl--er, myself. And for all of you that have been here and have seen the magnificent walls, don't ruin the anticipation for others! Let them come in and see for themselves!

Have a great week, and thanks for your patience in getting this newsletter.

Not tht .er. Not h... Not that you had a choice-- ah, the power! Really , I am sorry.. . but hopefully the live newsletter made up for any hard feelings. And jim, sory... GOSYH!!! Sorry, Jim, for calling you "Junef... Sorry, Jim, for calling you "Junebug" :). Have a great week, guys!!!





3/16/00

Ho1a Forensicators! Here's a newsletter for March 16th.

"I would like to thank all of the certified judges for being so patient with me and for judging so many meets...I know it was appreciated. -Pam"

Kudos to Ben for being the gung-ho practice night organizer!
Kudos...I love those little granola bars (TIP: never type the newsletter while hungry)

Urn.. .it would be nice if the practice night organizers would start scheduling times when I could make it.

Know what else is nice? Pizza. Damn, where's the number for Topper's?

Here's something totally unrelated: I (Christine) just ate at this awesome Mexican resteraunt on Main Street called La Tienda. It's great! But, if you go, please keep in mind that the quesadillas are small, so order more than one, otherwise you'll be starving later on (something I'm learning from bitter experience)! I highly recommend it!

We won't be having a Forensics meeting on Sunday because we aren't scheduled for one. I know that this is pretty much useless, but I feel bad when these newsletters are so short.
I don't care what they say, SIZE DOES MATTER!

OK, so unless you want me making clumsy innuendoes all over this newsletter, please put submissions in the box! Newsletters go out every week by Thursday night, and it's a great way to spread pointlessness. Thanks!





4/6/00

Hey folks. Alec here, representing the Social Committee. Pay attention--this will be so cool, you may have to go to the bathroom.

As you may know, several of our teammates are going to Ohio for the National Forensics Association (NFA) national tournament. They will leave next wednesday and be gone for five days. they will get out of classes, take a big road trip, see new sights and do new things. So congrats out to all of them, and I would just like to take this time to say--

WHY SHOULD THEY HAVE ALL THE FUN?

I wanna have fun, too! I wanna do new things! Me! Me!

So, in order to facilitate my need to slack, we're gonna have...

An ANTI-NFA COOK-OUT!

That's right! We're gonna grab us a grill, load up some charcoal, dump a whole buncha lighter fluid on it, light the sucker, extinguish the fire on our eyebrows, throw some meat or meat-substitute on it, and HAVE US A GRAND OLD TIME!!! We'll GRILL food--REAL FOOD! Not that Drumlin or Esker pretend food, NO, SIR! We're gonna buy some Real Food(TM)--brats, burgers, hot dogs, even some Veggie Burgers for those of you who prefer your burger leafy green instead of "moo-moo" red. We'll grab some pop, chips, potato salad, WHATEVER! And we'll cook it over an open flame so it TASTES GOOD! Forget your microwave popcorn! Leave your Pop Tarts in the wrapper! We're gonna FEAST like the RAVENOUS COLLEGE STUDENTS we are!

We plan to pull the caper off:

Saturday, April 15th 5:00 P.M.
Somewhere on campus

However, in order to pull off this AMAZING FEAT OF FOOD, we need a couple things from you:

1. an RSVP, saying what you'd like to dine on, by Wednesday, April 12.
2. a couple bucks, just to help allieviate costs (plan on $2-5, depending on how many people show up and what everyone eats--Real Food is expensive!)

We'll probably do something afterward, if people feel like it. If you have any ideas, questions, comments or witty remarks, let us know by emailing or calling the forensics office (x5259), Suzy (x4330) or Alec (x4197).
Don't be LEFT OUT of this great event! LET US KNOW that you'll be coming!

Grrr!

Alec Fleschner
Undersecretary of Chaos, Revolution and Anarchy

P.S.--This is the announcement that Suzy thought had been sent out. It wasn't, so her's number's been fixed. Apperantly, she can't read the "To:" line on her e-mail. Next time you see her, eveyone point and laugh. =)





4/6/00

Hey guys! This is the story. I was supposed to put out a newsletter the week before spring break, but since everyone would be gone by the time that it got to them, and since I was so d*mn forgetful, absentminded, etc., etc., you're getting the newsletter now. And since there aren't too many submissions, and I feel that I owe this to all of you, I will be making it-- yes, you guessed it-- possibly from the obvious heading-- a LIVE NEWSLETTER! !! This means that if I type something incorrectly, I will resist any urge to use the backspace, and just let things be. If you see anything that looks unnatural or out of place, it's probably because I started to type the wrong word and had to salvage things somehow. I did edit this paragraph, though, so that you would at least have a coherent introduction to a potentially incoherent newsletter. Now, let the fun begin! Hi-yah!

After a fine competition on the State level, our team has five poe, yes Edgar Allen, that is! anyway, five PEOPLE going on to nationals! Ben is gong, like for dinner time, urn, going to state-- no he already did that. Ben is going to Nationals with his persuasion, Shane with his ADS, Beth with her ADS, and Christine with her Info. I thought that I would save Jumbo--er, Junebug--er, (sorry, Jim. first, I actually accidentally typed Ju instead i. instead of Ji for, you know, Jim. And i had to save myself. But then I decided to try to do it be a... by accidentally ti... typing Ju instead of Ji, for, you know, Jim.) Okay, I thought that I wao, WOULD save Jim for a "Grand Finale" since hi, Jim, he made it with his Persuasion, ADS, and Impromptu. Congrats, and good luck, to the five of you. They leave for Ohio on Wed April 12, and won't be getting back until (I think) Mon of the following week. :)

For all of you not going to Say your Speeches at nationals, there will be an Anti-NFA barbeque on Sat. April 15 at 5pm, plavce yet to be titled as the spot destined for the BBQ. Please RSVP to the office (x5259), Suzy (x4330), or Alec (4197) by Wed April 12. The anticipated cost per person is $2-$5.

I can touch my foot! --Julie (What can I say? I'm proud.)

Nomination meeting, on Wed of this week, resulting in the followingno,minations (yeah, the sentence was a bit messed up, but go with it,.. This live stuff isn't easy. like now, I





4/20/00

Hey guys!

Here's your newsletter...

Firstly, the team took 10th place in Division III at NFA. Congratulations to all who went, or competed this year, or spent the time to critique our pieces before NFA. The plaque is in the office if you'd like to look at it, or touch it, or whatever. ..

Congratulations to the 2000-2001 executive board. The officers are:
President: Shane Krukowski
Vice President: Jim Disrude
Treasurer: Billie Jean Hager
Secretary: Suzy Graupner
Membership Liaison: Christine Granger
Programmer: Beth Wheelock


Thanks for voting!

And, as always, here are quotes from our most recent tournament (NFA)...

"I have a good nose when it comes to smelling things." -Shane
"Don't bang it 'til you try it." -Shane
"I don't drink alcohol." -Beth
"Even if I mess up and fake an ankle injury, I am still one sexy skank." -Beth
"You guys are easy." -waitress at Ponderosa
"Shane, I didn't bring my hip boots." -Jeanine
"He's sodomy waiting to happen." -Christine
"Technically, I'm in Ben's pants." -Jim
"Those (Antiques Roadshow) twins can appraise my chest anytime." -Christine
"You know, food talks to each other..." -Ben
"Does that burger come with an angioplasty, or is it sold seperately?" -Christine
"He believes in a higher power. He just thinks that the higher power is him." -Beth
"Room 208! This is not fine!" -front desk worker at Super B (we kept getting in trouble for allegedly making noise).

We're participating in Madness and Mayhem in May, on Friday, May 5th. Set-up is at 11:30. So, if any of you are off of class at that time and would like nothing better than to set up card tables for Forensics, then leave a message here in the office to let us know. Rumor has it we'll be selling Frisbees and stuff. Hope to see you there!

Yes, I like Tom Petty.

The banquet is scheduled for April 30th at 6 pm. It sounds like a fun time, and hopefully we'll see some alumni there! With cash!

Well, that's all I've got this week. If you want to add your brilliance to the newsletter, then just put a submission in the box in the office. Newsletters go out every Thursday. Have a great day!





4/27/00

Hey guys I If I could, I'd just like to say one thing before starting...

Nice Altoids!

Thanks to whoever submitted that refreshing ad to the Submissions Box, and please, don't forget: Altoids truly are the "Curiously Strong Mint"! Flex for us, Altoids, flex for us!

*ahem*

sorry.

Now, on to the business.

We (we being the Lollipop Guild) would like to request your response to the following questions:

1. Is Tuesday of next week a good day to work on things for Madness and Mayhem in May?

2. How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

3. Where's the Beef?

PLEASE email your responses to"forensics@mail.uww.edu" as soon as possible. It is important that you respond! Well, it's important that we know your answer for #1, anyway... I'm sure that it'll be a lot of fun, so get back to us!

Silver.

(I guess that it makes more sense when written in silver, so please, reread "the word and try to visualize its ravishing silverness.)

Hey, it's almost time for the banquet! At 6pm this Sunday, April 30, those of you that RSVPd (RSVPed?) should join us at Novak's Family Restaurant. If you have any questions about directions, rides, or anything else (like the terminal velocity of whatever it is that has terminal velocity) your best bet would probably be to email the forensics office at "forensics at mail dot uww dot edu". Usually I tell you to put newsletter submissions in the box labelled "Put submissions in here" in the 4N6 office. But we aren't talking about newsletter submissions here. This is a different situation. Not everything revolves around the newsletters. And I promise that I won't ramble on like this at the banquet.

Please put newsletter submissions in the box labelled "Put submissions in here" in the Forensics office.

What?

If any of you are looking for the "SAFEST NON-FLAMMABLE FORMULA" that you can find to fulfill your pressurized air duster needs, look no further than a Fellowes brand Duster!

Thanks to all those that participated in "Take Back the Night" 2000. The candle was in the submissions box, but luckily was not lit.

I have nothing interesting to say... nothing new, huh?

(I SWEAR TO YOU ALL that this was a submission... I have plenty of interesting things to say! Well, some. Well, maybe only. .. Ah, heck, it might as well have just been me. But it wasn't. Just for the record.)

"Julie the psycho therapist has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Thanks, guys. But really, thanks to all of you that participated in my little study. And the results came back-- You're all crazy. Just kidding. Sorry. Seriously, thanks--it helped out a lot.

LISTEN TO 91.7 LISTEN TO 91.7 LISTEN TO 91.7 LISTEN TO 91.7 LISTEN TO 91.7

In hopes of running into Becky Bull, the entire team should make an excursion to the Bob Evans Farm. And, as the brochure points out, there is plenty to do "down on the farm". We all know what that means. *wink*;)

Well, this is my last newsletter for the year, so take care!!! This year has shown all of us some good times--no matter what happens, don't forget that. See all of you next year!





5/4/00

Hey guys-
Last newsletter of the year. Sigh. I get a little misty just thinking about it.

First things first: we have a work meeting tonight at 9 pm to prepare for Madness and Mayhem in May. Abandon those textbooks and come over. Do you really think that an extra half-hour of studying will make a difference (a rationalization that has gotten me out of 85 hours of studying so far this semester...)

Also, we need people to sign up to watch the table tomorrow. It should be fun! If you need an excuse to stop studying, see the item above.

In the submissions box:
"The lack of participation on this team is appalling. Out of 28 members listed on our roster, only 3 showed up for the Madness & Mayhem worknight. Not one of those absent had the courtesy to call or reply in an email that they couldn't come. "This is truly disappointing because only ONE of the 2000-01 eboard was there. The person who shows the most initiative, Christine Granger. Suzy emailed to say that she wasn't coming, and when called, Billie Jean said she could come later. "Those in key leadership positions were conspicuously absent, and unreachable by phone. "While the team is doing well in competitions, you have to wonder how complete it really is when only 3 or 4 are active. "Good luck on finals, everyone!"

Also in the submissions box: an adjustable ring that appears to have the stone broken off of it. It will be on display until the owner reclaims it, or until one of us overcomes our laziness and throws it out. That person will not be me.

I have made a model of a larnyx for my Speech Science class. It will be displayed on the Forensics file cabinets until I can take it home. Please come and admire it in all of its laryngeal glory.

We have a general member meeting on Sunday at 8:30 pm. It's the last one of the year, so make sure you can make it!

Well, goodbye everyone! Study hard for your exams, and we'll see you on Sunday!





10/10/00

FORENSICS ALPHABET LIST

Greetings WARHAWK FORENSICATORS!

Hope you are gearing up for Winona.. .it looks like there will be heavy competition, but Whitewater will appear in some finals, I believe! In any case, hope you are all doing well and such with semester papers, tests, and exams, oohhhh ick!? In any case, I hope you are going to be practicing hard as the weekend is slowly approaching! So, as an alum, this forensics alphabet was put together by me to practice ennunciating and articulating, and verbally producing the sounds you need to perform without error, so, for those of you who have memories from State at Stout last year from the back massages and verbal warm up that we did here's the UWW-Warhawk Forensics Alphabet

A is For Analysis/After Dinner
B is For Break/Black Book/Ballot
C is For Communication/Conclusion/Citation/Cited
D is For Dramatic Duo/DI
E is For Extemp/Event
F is For Forensics Finals/FUN/Food
G is For Great
H is For Hotel Stays/Humor
I is For Info/Impromptu
J is For Judge/Judge's Preference
K is For Kicking Some Butt!
L is For Limited Prep
M is For Main Points/MAFL
N is For Novice/NFA
0 is For Oratory
P is For Prose/Poetry/Persuasion/Prelim/Preview/Pentathalon/Postings
Q is For Quotation/Qualify
R is For Results/Research/Rhet Crit/Round
S is For Sensational Speaker/Schematic/Section
T is For Tournament(Tourney)/Trophy
U is For UW-W
V is For Victory/Van/Vocal Chords/VA's
W is For Whitewater Winning
X is For X-Tra
Y is For Yawning in the Van
Z is for Zest For Competition

Make a print out cuz it's the only one I have of this!
Talk to you guys soon!
See some of you at Winona hopefully! !

Sincerely,
Sonny De Guzman





10/19/00

Hey guys!

It's already time for the first newsletter of the year!

First of all, we have a meeting on Wednesday the 25th at 6:15 in Heide 115. After that, we'll all be going over to the SUFAC meeting to show our support for Forensics funding. Hope you can make it! If you can, dress up for the meeting. It'll look better if we're all in business attire than if we show up in t-shirts and jeans. Anything to get some more funding!

Congratulations to Jim for being voted Homecoming King. Good job, Jim! You deserve it!

The team went to Winona, Minnesota this past Sunday for the Sugarloaf Classic tournament. We all had a great time, and several people came close to breaking. But Ben actually did it.. . .in fact, he got third place in Persuasion! Way to go, Ben!

And now, some quotes from our team:

"Man, it's seven in the morning and I'm already dumb. -Christine

"The sausage had babies." -Shane

"My ball fell between my legs." -Sandi

"You guys.. . go to church." -Ben

"Hey, look at my Speedo." -Shane

"I slept with my niece..." -Ben

"Your family's like a factory, always churning out babies." -Shane

"It's exposure." -Sonny "It's flashing." -Shane "It's trauma." -Christine

"I keep my man in a cage, but it annoys me when he digs in his rocks." -Sheirlie

"Damn irregular knits." -Shane
"It's not irregular, dammit!" -Sheirlie

"Stop rubbing me." -Sonny

"I want my penis. I earned it!" -Sheirlie

"Jesus never annoyed anybody. ..He was always very nice." -Shane

"Almost doesn't count. Just be glad you're still here." - Jeanine (after crossing two lanes of traffic)

The newsletter comes out every week by Thursday afternoon. If you want to make an announcement, submission, or random comment, tell someone on the Newsletter Team or put it in the Submissions Box in the office. Thanks, and have a great week!





11/30/00

Newsletter: )

Good evening everyone! I hope you all had a great Turkey Day! It's just what we needed! Ok, lots to cover the last two weeks so here goes:

OLD BUSINESS

BATTLE CREEK, MICHIGAN
Congratulations to everyone who competed: Ben, Sheirlie, Christine, and Suzy. Here are the results for the weekend:

Ben - 1st in Informative, 2nd in Persuasion, & 5th in DI
Sheirlie - 4th in Informative
Christine - 5th in ADS & 6th in Informative
6th in Team Sweeps


Way to go team!
Congrats to all who attended!

CURRENT NEWS
$50.00 deposits are due for the Pi Kap trip in Feb. on December 6th. If you have trouble coming up with the money, TALK TO HER about delaying payment.. We want to make sure that everyone who would like to go has an equal opportunity:) Also, if you are interested in attending Pi Kap, let Jim know as soon as possible so he can make plans for us ;)

If anyone's interested in e-mail coaching with Sonny, our wonderful and helpful alum, he'd be glad to help out.

NEW BUSINESS

Good luck to all of our team members competing at UW-Stout...Dan, Ben, Christine, Suzy, Sheirlie, Laura & Jeanine. We' re very happy to have Jill . observing with us this weekend as well. Enjoy your weekend everybody, and Good Luck!

Just a reminder for everyone, if you are planning on going to Pi Kap, there will be two tournaments right at the end of Winter Break:
1. DuPage will take place January 19th and 20th
2. MAFL Swing at Bradley and Illinois State on January 27th and 28th

The team is planning a retreat that will take place during Winter Break. They have a TENTATIVE date for January 14th. Our destination will be Sonny's "home" at the Chula Vista Resort in the Dells. More information will be made available in the near future, so keep your eyes open in the next newsletter :)

AND NOW THE PART YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. . . ,. .

QUOTES OF THE WEEK (or last two weeks) "I'm gonna kick you dead" - Suzy

"If Ben wore a skirt to a Forensics tournament, I'm not sure if he'd get beaten up or hit on," - Christine

"Kiss my long head." - Suzy

ONCE AGAIN, GOOD LUCK TO ALL! YOU MAKE US. PROUD:)

Well, I'm out for the night, thank you for your time, and have a really great weekend everyone! - Sandi





2/7/01

Newsletter

Hey guys!

Welcome to the first newsletter of the semester!

Here's a rundown of our upcoming tournaments... Eau Claire/Ripon swing Feb 10th and 11th STATE at Platteville Feb 17th Sorber tournament here Feb 25th

If you want to participate you must see Jeanine THIS WEEK to be tournament ready. If you want to observe there, contact Jeanine, and if we have room, we can take you along.

And here's everybody's favorite part of the newsletter, the quotes. These are from the Bradley/ISU swing.

"Ben and I have no class." - Christine

"Is that a chicken up there? Oh no, it's a gargoyle." - Jeanine

"Let's kick some private school ass!"

"You can eat Trident wrappers.. .they're totally edible... okay, maybe that's not Trident." - Christine (while chewing on one)

There will be a practice night tomorrow at 5:15. We'll meet in the Forensics office and maybe move down to the 3rd floor lounge if we have a crowd. Even if you don't a piece, come on down, we love to have an audience!

Well, the newsletter will come out every week by Thrusday night at the latest. If you have a submission, a fottune cookie, or witty insight to share, put it in the Submissions Box or e-mail it to the Forensics team. See you next week! !





4/6/01

Hey! It's time for yet another mile a minute thrill ride of a newsletter.

Here's the News You Can Use:

We will be taking nominations for E-Board positions for next year until the 19th. If you would like to nominate someone for a position or would like to be nominated yourself, contact Suzy at graupnersl01@mail.uww.edu Thursday the 26th at 5:15 we would hold elections. Vote Early, Vote Often.

In other news the Forensics team traveled to Boise, Idaho over Spring Break to participate in the Pi Kappa Delta National Tournament. Besides getting really cool looking hats, the team did very well, Overall, they placed 23rd out of 72nd.
Shane recieved an Excellent is Prose.
Dan recieved an Excellent in Impromptu and a Superior in Persausion.
Ben placed 2nd out of all the Persausion Speakers and received a Superior in Persuasion and an Excellent in Prose.
Congratulations to our fantastic members that made the voyage out to Boise and represented our great program.


Memorable Quotes from Pi Kap:

"Anyone wanna join me in a Rosary?" -Christine (after watching "Sex in the City")

"I have wine coolers and skittles. I'm gonna catch me a goose." - Suzy

"Speedos are just sandwich bags for testicles."- Shane

"That's some pansy-ass barbed wire. I could climb it in my skirt." -Christine and Suzy

"Idaho? No YOU da ho."-Sherlie

"Dude, they nicknamed you 'Oklahoma' ," - a guy from Scotty Kehoe's team

"I need a urination station-STAT!" -Suzy

What We Said During Roll Call:

"Who let the cows out? Moo, Moo, Moo."

"We may not be the biggest school, we may not be the prettiest school, we not be the richest school, but we can drink you under the table!"

"Shane looks cuter with his mouth shut." -Kim from Pennslyvania

Hope you all have a gloriously exciting weekend.