Emmitt Morgans's Letters!

10/3/2002

Hi (insert your name here)!

I'm sorry you've had to wait so long. I'm one of your TWO new Membership Liasons. My name is Emmitt Morgans; I'm a Leo and I enjoy artificial light and warm, rainy days. But HEY, enough about me! I must remember that this e-mail is for relaying important Forensics propaganda... I mean, INFORMATION... so I'll keep it short, sweet, and to the ever-beloved point.

First of all, I must let everyone know that as of now the slots for going to Winona to observe or compete are all filled. (Remember that, if you are a new member, you may observe one meet before competing) Those who are going to Winona to compete must remember to practice their pieces with Jeanine before next Friday. Actually, speaking of that...:

HEAR YE, HEAR YE... ALL FORENSICS TEAM MEMBERS!!!

All of ye must be informed of the practice night next Wednesday, October 9th @ 7:30 PM in 114 Heide Hall!!! This night is for forensics team members to practice their pieces so they can MAKE SURE they'll be ready to compete if they're going to Winona or get a good start if they're planning to go to Eau Claire October 26th. (You MUST have your piece for Eau Claire ready by October 16th if you want to compete)

And now for some good news. Our other Membership Liason, Brian McGee, is working on the NEW and IMPROVED UW-W Forensics Team Website!! This site is sure to be filled with lots of goodies that will be useful and entertaining to all of those involved in UW-W Forensics!! On the same note, said Membership Liason is also working on a case for receiving a new computer for our Forensics office to present before SUFAC. He states that ours is "actually about 7 generations behind" the current UW-W computer standards. If we do get a new computer it will be a benefit to us all because you won't have to hear us whine about our constant computer problems any more... HOORAY!!!!!

Your Membership Liason,

Emmitt Morgans

~QUOTE OF THE WEEK~

"Good intentions aren't the truth." -Suzy (after Jason said he was going to do 3 hours of homework)

(PS: If you wish to no longer receive Forensics Team e-mails please reply to us @ forensics@uww.edu)

10/10/2002

Hi again!!!

I'm just going to let you know about a couple of things that might be of interest or importance to all of you "shiny happy" Forensics people. (sorry about the bad REM reference...grr....)

To start you all off slowly and comfortably, experienced members can sign up to be mentors for the mentorship program. If you think you can help new Forensics team members with their lives (especially pertaining to forensics) you should come to the Forensics office (location listed below) and sign up to help out. You should definitely sign up before Monday, October 14th so that a Mentor-Mentee database can be completed.

And, for other news... well, not news but announcements. I'm just going to remind you all that you must sign up to practice with Janine by the October 16th ready date. This the only way you'll be cleared to compete at the October 26th MAFL in Eau Claire. I hope this paragraph has been made clear enough to understand.

AND NOW... we have the news that isn't fit to print. I'm just going to let all of you know that we here in the Forensics team office are looking for 8.5" x 5.5" sheet protectors for the black competition books. If you know a convenient way to get such things, please let us know by sending a response to this e-mail address.

I hope you've all had a good week and that those who are going to Winona are PUMPED to be going! (WOOOOO!!!) I'm just going to leave you off with a very thought provoking quote for this week's newsletter thingie:

"I'm not standing on a desk. Not with you guys around." -Jessica

Thank you all, and have a good week! (If there are any important announcements they will be made before the next scheduled newsletter to be sent out on next Thursday...)

-Emmitt

10/17/2002

Yes, I know you saw the sender of this message and immediately thought: "Why, oh why me?" The answer is: "You're a forensics team member, SORRY!!!"

This THE highly anticipated weekly newsletter for UWW Forensics team members. If you see it any other way... KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF!

And now for the important, newsy-type stuff:

We had a great experience at Winona! Although no big awards were taken home by the good ol' UWW Forensics team, we gave them a preview of our best! It was a beautiful campus (even in the rain) and my only major complaint was that the vending machines didn't accept purple points.

Go figure, huh?

Enough about the past! We're preparing for the MAFL in Eau Claire on the 26th... BIG FUN!!! For those who are sure to be competing (and have already seen Jeanine about competition) you can come try out and show your stuff at the practice night being held Oct. 24th (next Thurs. before the competition itself) so you can be COMPLETELY sure!

The mentoring program is under development and those who are considered "mentees" will most likely be contacted in the near future by their mentors.

On other fronts:

The proposal for receiving a new computer is STILL going through the system, but it'll PROBABLY be taken care of and our wishes will be granted. And also, as this is another piece of information unimportant to many, we WILL quickly be receiving page protectors for the black books (we've found a couple possible sources). That makes us very happy :)

Any future developments will be made known to you, the forensics team members, as soon as I DECIDE they'll become available. AH... the POWER OF IT ALL!!! Ha ha... haha...ahhh.....

And finally, the quote (from Amber, what a surprise!)

"I like shoes." -Amber

"I love using cameras." -Amber

(so I lied and used TWO quotes, there are certainly enough to go around!)

Have a good week and don't do anything I wouldn't do... ah, who am I kidding? GO NUTS!!

-Emmitt

10/24/2002 (25th, okay?)

Hi all! I'm fulfilling part of my duty by sending out a Forensics e-mail right now!.... and now!!

I'm sorry this newsletter is a day late, but I just wasn't feeling too creative yesterday and didn't get around to it... HERE WE GO!!

As of today, we have a group going up north to proudly represent our fine UWW Forensics TEAM at UW-Eau Claire! If all goes well they'll pull off a couple of 1sts and make us all proud!!

Our first forensics social was a BLAST!!! A group of seven of us went bowling and a good time was had by most... I mean, all! I, personally (even though I know you probably don't care, but I'll let you know anyway... okay), broke 100 for what I believe is the first time in my life (without using bumpers, anyway). It was great! Make sure you can join us for the next social (information to come).

I HAVE to let you all know that next Wednesday, October 30th, will be our next general member meeting @ 7:30. And of course, that means that there'll probably be an e-board meeting at 6:30 that same night.

Don't forget!!! General members have to sign up for office hours. During "office hours," members are encouraged to come to the office (location below) to do something forensics-related. (It doesn't HAVE to be forensics-related, you can do homework) Come by the office if you have more questions about this and other things!

All of you who have done office hours already are to make sure that you have started an office hour log sheet in the "Office Hours Log" located in the office. If YOU don't keep track of your office hours, it's even more likely that no one else will!

There's one last VERY IMPORTANT message! All forensics team members who are going to compete should practice their pieces every week to determine your progress. You can (and probably should) practice with several faculty members who are familiar with collegiate forensics (a list of them their names, offices, and more will be sent out to you by early next week). This is partially because Jeanine can get quite busy at times, and--more importantly--you can get another point of view on your piece (if you feel it necessary).

If I've missed anything, please forgive me! If it's important, just e-mail me!

And now... A QUOTE!!!

"Bradley's not here...and that's why it's a friendly meet!" -Jeanine

Your membership-liason-type person,
Emmitt

10/31/2002

Hello everybody... I guess I don't have anything more creative to say than that... oh, well...

It's another beautiful week in Forensics Land... but enough of that nonsense, I've got a newsletter to do!

I must let everyone know that they should probably practice their pieces with the other coaches. Speaking of which, here are their names, extensions and e-mail addresses:

Rosann Young - x1025 - youngr@uww.edu Virgil Miller - x1720 - millerv@uww.edu Barb Penington - x1983 - peningtb@uww.edu Eloise Simons - x1177 - simonse@uww.edu

...AND now that that's out of the way, I must announce that the E-board will be having a meeting next week on Wednesday, November 6th at 6:30pm. It must be stated as well that there will be no general member meeting next week.

Also... the attendance of practice nights now counts as one of the "miscellaneous" things and will give you one point for each practice night in which you perform a piece. These "points" are added to the Office Hours Log... oooohh, that's what I'm talking about. Yes, you should probably start keeping track of things in that log (if you haven't started to do so already). It's in the office and is hiding with the E-board binders on the shelf next to the computer... you'll find it!

I regret to inform you all that we will not be able to attend the River Falls tournament as there were only two people who were planning to attend and would have been necessary that we had at least three participants.

Therefore, the next tournament we will be attending is the one that is HERE in beautiful Whitewater. If you want to observe, you're definitely free to do so. For all of those people planning to compete, you must have your piece ready by next Wednesday (the 6th) and have it deemed tournament-ready.

The Whitewater MAFL tournament will be held on Saturday, November 16th. I've been told that the Eau Claire tournament was great fun and that there are quotes. Unfortunately, I haven't received the quotes as of yet and will just grace you all with the wise words of our UWW Forensics Team members...

"Don't assume anything, Whitewater's here!" -Amber

"I don't think it's a kaiser roll, but it'll soak up stuff." -Amber

"DO NOT MISQUOTE ME!" -Amber

Did anyone ever notice how the majority of the quotes come from Amber... strange, huh?

Well, have a good week and remember that it's COLD outside. I mean, you wouldn't want to walk outside in just your "skivvies"... that would be BAAAAD... cuz... it's... well..... umm...... COLD!!!

Sorry (got carried away),
Emmitt

11/9/2002

A long time ago, in a newsletter far, far away. Episode 24. A New Newsletter. Having successfully woken up this morning, our hero, EMMITT MORGANS, has just started this week's UWW Forensics Newsletter. Without any VILE GANGSTERS to foil our hero's plans, he will hopefully complete this newsletter and save the human race as we know it.

(fade to starry background) (pan down to spaceship flying over the planet SNAGROM)

.oh. sorry, but that was one of the first newsletter openings that I actually didn't want to end (and probably would have spent more time working on if I hadn't deemed it necessary to get on with the REAL newsletter)

AND NOW. for your very eyes. the new newslettery-type thing!!

We will be having a MAFL tournament on November 16th. If some of you didn't already know that, make sure to take note of it now because I might not even bother to mention it in next week's newsletter. (hey, it could happen)

We will be holding an e-board meeting on Wednesday, November 13th at 6:30 pm in Heide 113A. This will mostly be pertaining to the MAFL. Following the e-board meeting there will be a general member meeting at 7:30 pm in Heide 114 (obviously on Nov. 13th).

There will be a practice night on Thursday, November 14th at 7:30 pm in Heide 114 for all of those who will (and even some who won't) be competing in the MAFL. It will be a good chance to test your piece with an audience and get some more input on your performance.

The ready date for the UWW MAFL was yesterday, so if you aren't cleared and signed up to compete already, chances are that you won't be able to do so.

The next social will be on Friday, November 15th at night and most likely at Brenda's apartment. This social will mainly consist of baking all of the "goodies" for the judges' lounge. If you have questions as to how to get to Brenda's apartment, you can come to the Forensics office during the week to ask if the people there serving office hours know such things. If this doesn't work, there will be directions either posted in or in front of the office or (more likely) another e-mail will be sent out early next week with the appropriate directions. If there are any other changes, they will also be announced to you all.

Whew!! That was a WHOLE LOT of news to impart to all of you (I don't know how I got through it all). And now. the "bestest" part of the newsletter:

THE QUOTE(S).

"Good bye, red-ass!" -Amber (to Jason)

"Pushing two beds together doesn't make it one bed." -Amber

"What if I stacked them on top of each other?" -Mike (pertaining to above quote)

"I thought he was soaking up alcohol with a Kaiser roll." -Jeanine (of Jason)

THERE YOU GO. That's it. no more! You'll have to wait until next week. THAT'S THE END OF IT!!!

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING DOWN HERE?. THERE'S NO MORE!!!

11/14/2002

Howdy y'all! It's time to gather 'round the fire an' let'cha all know what's goin' on this week, partners. This handy dandy lil' e-mail should help y'all get a handle on what you should expect within the next couple of days. Hope yer ready! Here goes!

General members should start keeping track of their office hours and such in the "Office Hour Log." This is a good idea and will help you make sure you get lots of points and be able to prove that you served office hours and such. The log is located on one of the metal shelves easily seen from the door when entering the Forensics office.

Tonight at 7:30 in Heide 114 there will be a practice night for y'all ta practice yer pieces an' it'll be lots of fun. You can get some input on your performance and you'll be able to find out what other people are doin'. Hope you'll be there!

Tomorrow night there will be a baking social (for treats for the Judges' Lounge) at Brenda's apartment. You shouldn't have too many problems finding her apartment because it's on Prairie Street! Here are some directions that should help you easily find her apartment... On North Prairie Street (eastern edge of campus), go south (towards Main St.) and it'll turn into South Prairie Street. You'll get to the Delta Chi house and then there is a yellow house, right after it is the building you're looking for. The apartment building is a grey building. The driveway you're looking for is the one right before the apartments and right after the yellow building. The main door to get into the building will be locked but there should be a sign in the 3rd window to the right of that door indicating that it is the window in Brenda's apartment. I hope these directions are completely correct because that would be cool.

And now that that's over, I'll give everyone some information on the MAFL coming up Saturday. All of the competition locations are in Heide and Winther Halls (there are A LOT of entries). To make sure that you're on time, you should definitely plan to get to Heide Hall by 9 AM. The registration is at 9 AM, Extemp Draw is at 9:30 AM, round 1A starts at 10:00 AM and round 1B starts at 11:15. There will then be some time for competitors to eat and then more competition. Extemp Draw 2 will start at 1:00 PM, round 2A will start at 1:30 PM, round 2B will start at 2:45 PM, and after that there will be another little break. Section A of the final round will start at 4:00 PM and Section B will start when A is over. The awards ceremony will then take place at 7:00 PM.

And, as of now, there is nothing planned for Forensics next week because Jeanine will be in New Orleans. So make sure that you don't plan on getting an appointment with her next week because it won't take place. The only way you MIGHT be able to get an appointment would be to GO to New Orleans....

hey, THAT's a GOOD IDEA!!!

Forget all of you guys, I'm going to New Orleans... not quite.... I have much more to say but it doesn't have much of anything to do with Forensics (and probably not much of anything else because it's mainly incoherent babbling).

SOOOOOO, I FINALLY have quotes from the Eau Claire MAFL and I'm... well, kinda afraid to use them, but I'm getting over it! SO... TAKE THIS!!!!

"I need a new shirt 'cause this one lost its lucky." -Jason

"I'll thank him in my own special way." -Amber

"I'm such a moron." -Jason

"No, we lost the van 'cause she moved it." -Amber

I knew it... I knew it!!! You want more quotes don'cha? Well I'll give y'all one more, but then you best be goin' on yer way!

"I learned you guys suck." -Jason to all others

There ya go. Now I'm gonna say "happy trails" to y'all, get on my 'horsie' and ride off into the sunset... oh wait, it's too cloudy to even see the sunset.... now that SUCKS! Sunsets are awesome!!.... Sorry, I just got sidetracked again... I have a temporary solution to that!

Peace, out...
Emmitt

11/21/2002

So... we meet again. Last time I was a novice, but now... I am still a novice... BUT I'm a better novice!!! I'm LESS novice-y! Ah HA!! By the time this meeting is through, I will have bested you (much better than my worsted suit) and you will be able to do nothing but cry like the little. not-nice-thing you are!!! (thrust). (parry). (thrust, stab).. OUCH! THAT HURT!!! I mean who impales a guy, honestly? (groan). (death rattle)

Yeah, THAT was cool! (not really) SHUT UP!! (you shut up). GRRRRR.

Okay, well.. I know you will all be sad to learn that there will not be either a general member meeting or e-board meeting next week due to it's shortness. Therefore, the next general member and e-board meetings will be on December 4th at 7:30 pm and 6:30 pm respectively.

The next practice night will be on December 3rd at 7:30 pm. There is a possibility that there will need to be more than one room for this as there will most likely be a large amount of pieces being practiced. If you are planning on competing at Stout, you should definitely plan to be at this practice night. You will have to sign up for this practice night (once again because of the amount of pieces). To sign up, write your name and number of pieces you have on the sign-up sheet on the board next to the forensics office door. You can also register by calling or e-mailing the forensics team programmer, Brenda, and letting her know the same information. If you don't register one way or the other, you most likely won't be able to practice because we won't be able to make sure there has been time allotted for you.

Speaking of Stout, you should all be preparing for it because it's coming up quite soon. In fact, Stout is December 6th and 7th. You should definitely be ready by Wednesday, Nov. 27th because it is, in fact, the READY DATE. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!

Did you all enjoy the snow this morning? I know I did! I thought it was COOL!! But enough about me, here are some quotes:

"I have standards. They may be LOW, but." -Amber

"My first time was alone with the judge." -Amber

"My quotes always make me look like a slut of some sort." -Amber

"Hey, Brian and Laura are next door right now." -Amber
"Really? Are they doing it now?" -Jessica (regarding their duo)

"The making fun of begins now." -Heather

"I get made fun of all the time, I think it's special!" -Amber

"A starter boyfriend, I'm hurt." -Jason

"I'm a better pimp than both of you." -Nakia

"I like flashing people." -Amber

I think that's enough for now! I have a whole bunch more that are REALLY GOOD!! But you'll just have to wait to read them until later. HAVE A GOOD WEEK! (or don't. you don't have to take any orders from me)

-Emmitt

12/5/2002

Forensics... Loading....

GRRRR.... GRR... (BEEP)

READY...............

Hello. This is the forensics newsletter. Please read on for important information. There will be many things going on within the next week... Read on for more details...

A large group (of 11) will be leaving on Friday, December 6th to compete at UW-Stout. These poor souls will be departing Whitewater by 6:30 AM!! Good luck to all of them!

There will be a "Snowball" Christmas party for the UW-W Forensics team. It is suggested that you dress up as something that pertains to the winter season. Every person coming should bring food... The following are already signed up for the party:

Person Thing(s) they're bringing
_______________________
Amber - Veggies
Jessica G - Soda (Pop)
Jason - Chips
Brenda - Brownies
Jeanine - Lasagna/Mostacolli
Brian - Cheese Bread
Laura - Salad
Mike - Cookies
Heather - (?)
Emmitt - (?)

This party will start at 7 pm and the location WILL be Commercial Bank (Freemont St). It's the "round" bank, if THAT helps... Make sure to sign up in the office if you haven't done so already. (Rides will be available)

A reminder to all forensicators concerning next semester... As soon as you can, you should get to the Forensics office and sign up for which nights you'll be able to attend practice nights (beginning @ 7:30 pm) during next semester. The sign-up sheet is IN the office on the door leading to room 113.

...And now some quotes...

Quotes.... Loading....

"You guys all.... ERROR

Reloading...

...

"Somebody had BETTER be dead!" -Jeanine

"Pens are bad." -Jason

"Pens are my friend." -Mike

"Empty threat this, empty threat that, my name is Jason." -Jessica

"I'm such a moron." -Jason

And now for a life lesson...

"Heroin is the root of snobbery." -Amber

Thank you, Amber! And a good day to you, forensicators.

12/12/2002

Congratulations! You've just received a surprise SPAM e-mail!!!

You can win $100 and lots of pretty, glittering gifts just for replying to this thing that we sent out to lots of random e-mail addresses just to make people angry and (hopefully) get some poor, unsuspecting, not-so-smart people to actually buy the junk that they have to purchase just to win our crappy prizes...

Yeah... fake spam... woo hoo.. uhh.... OKAY!

Well, then... MOVING ON! We went to Stout... we didn't make finals... we came back home... BUT WE HAD FUN (and hopefully learned some stuff)! EVERYONE! (especially e-board members) Make sure to sign up for office hours for next semester as soon as you can. It'll help everyone be able to work out when they can complete office hours within their convenience.

Those who are planning to be in Pi Kappa Delta and will be going to Baltimore for nationals will be required to give Jeanine a $50 deposit by January 21st.

In order to aid in scheduling your life around forensics (yeah... HA!) there is a list of all the tournaments taking place next semester. This list happens to be on the board outside of the office, make sure to check it!

OH!!! I would also like to let all of you know that there is now a form available to allow you to be confirmed as being able to receive 1 credit for forensics. This form can be found in the "forms" drawer of the filing cabinet and the folder is labelled "forensics credit form." All you need to put on this form is your name, your ID# and Jeanine HAS TO inital it!

I know all of you must be HEARTBROKEN, but this WILL be the last full, official newsletter for the semester. There will most likely be announcements by myself--and possibly others--but they will be spur-of-the-moment, IMPORTANT things! (VERY MUCH UNLIKE THESE NEWSLETTERS... LOL)

Uh... well.... I'm afraid I don't have too many quotes for this newsletter... I mean I there WERE some, but I forgot most of them... well, here goes for a GUESS!

"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! My name is Jason." -Jessica G

"(Insert quote here)" -Me

THAT WASN'T A REAL QUOTE... IT'S A JOKE... GET IT??!?! HAHAHA... ah... ha........

I would finally like to take this part of the newsletter to greatly thank Brenda for all of the work she has done for the forensics team. It is slightly possible that some of you may not have received notification before, but Brenda is resigning from the position of Programmer. I know she did a lot more work for the team before I came around here, but it seems hardly possibly after all of the great work she's done here while I HAVE been around. I must say "GOOD LUCK, BRENDA" and hopefully we'll be able to work with you again in the future.

Now, in the words of Mike... "that should be it."

Yeah... it SHOULD!!! but will it be?..... okay... that IS it!

-Emmitt

1/24/2003

Hello Forensicators!

It's been a long time, but I'm finally back to sending out these HIGHLY IMPORTANT e-mails about "comings-up" and such things, yay! I have some cool stuff that you should get to know so that things are made "easier" for everyone in forensics.

First off, I have to let you all know what's going on for the... Hawk Fair (or whatever it is). The forensics team will have an information table set up at the Warhawk from 10:30am 'till 2pm on Monday, January 27th. We'll have a signup sheet for those who show up and want to be on our team (or at least the mailing list for a while). We will also need to get our forensics team sign for the table and a good amount of forensics information brochures. We will want two people (or maybe three) to be "manning" (and/or "womaning"... whatever) the table at a time so that we can... umm... be safe by using the buddy system (?)... but mostly to make the "table time" easier to handle and possibly more entertaining.

As for who's already signed up to be there to stay at the table... we have the following people signed up for being available at the following times...

Jessica G - 11am-1pm Laura - 1-2pm Emmitt - 11am-2pm Mike - 11:50am-1pm

If any of you not yet on the above list can be there to get the table set up and started a little before 10:30 and stay (at very least) until 11, please let us know... send an e-mail to us (forensics@uww.edu) with that kind of information. We'll have to make sure that we have a good amount of brochures, too. If anyone can help to make sure that gets taken care of, that would be very good, too. If you won't be able to help, that's okay... we understand.... I GUESS! SO... REMEMBER, our table will be around on MONDAY, JANUARY 27th from 10:30 am until 2 pm at the WARHAWK! GOT IT? Good!

The next thing that I have to relay to all of you is very closely related to all of the above message. That other thing would be the New Member Meeting, which will be taking place at 7:00 in HE (Heide) 310! This will be mainly for NEW MEMBERS (duh!) but general members should come so that they can help tell stories about past forensics experiences (mostly good ones!).

I believe that that will be all. Have a good weekend and I'll see you all on the "flip side!"

-Emmitt

(If you have any questions, comments or concerns [that apply to directly to forensics], please send an e-mail to forensics@uww.edu)

1/30/2003

Hello all of you Fine Forensics Fools... I MEANT FOLKS!
(sorry, I started some alliteration and I just couldn't stop)

N-E-WAY... (that's 'anyway,' if you couldn't figure that out) I'm FINALLY back with a real, honest to "gosh" newsletter for all of you fine members of the UWW Forensics Team. It's good to be back to the old grindstone and I'll be glad to entertain you (but I'm not promising too much).

I've got to let you all know that we had a great time at the ISU-Bradley swing MAFL and some evidence of that will be included at the bottom of this newsletter (in the form of QUOTES). None of us broke, but that's good because I don't think we'd be very easy to fix... I know that wasn't funny, I'll try harder next time. PROMISE!

I have some good information for "you alls." AS FAR AS I KNOW: the next Gen. Member meeting will be at 7 on Wednesday, Feb 5th (check HE 113 for exact room). There will be an e-board meeting RIGHT before that at a little after six (Emmitt has class 'til 6:05, boo hoo).

The PRACTICE NIGHT that was scheduled for next Thursday (Feb 6th) has been moved up from 8 pm to 7 PM! This wonderful event will take place in both Heide 114 & 115.

The next tournaments coming up are the UW-Eau Claire and Ripon swing on Feb. 8th & 9th. This should be great fun and I hope that we'll have a good, fun, and good... and such time! Whew! I'm GLAD that didn't make much sense, otherwise I probably would have damaged my brain (yes, I can imagine some of you out there saying "even more?"). For those fun two, two, TWO tournaments in one, we will be leaving Friday, Feb 7th (when, I can't rightly say yet). If you're planning to go, make sure you sign up and that you're approved to go by about 2 pm on Tuesday, Feb. 4th.

Coming soon to our campus (Saturday, Feb 15th) is the WONDERFUL WCFA (that sounds dirty... when pronounced as a two-syllable word) State Tournament. You'll have to be ready to compete in this one by the 12th of Feb! It should be good times and we'll definitely win LOTS of awards!

Also coming up soon is the WONDERFUL, FANTABULOUS Sorber Tournament! This will be taking place HERE on Saturday, Febuary 22nd. WE CAN'T compete in this one, but it should still be lots of fun anyway! Our own Amber Gerber is doing almost all of the work, but I KINDA think we should all help her out a bit (j/k... just kidding, GET IT?!?). So, if you CAN help make sure you find out (from Amber) how you can do so and she'll probably give you a list of possibilities (or just make a growling sound and insist that SHE has to do all of the work).

In other news, I will not acknowledge any statements made by any one who says that they declare this newsletter an independent country and that it elects that person as its dictator, leader, or whatnot (I don't know that a 'whatnot' is, but I'll be damned if anyone should have to be ruled by one)... that is COMPLETELY uncalled for!

..But enough about that! AND ANOTHER THING, why don't any of those "independent countries" set up a democracy or something... huh, huh?... 'cuz they AREN'T independent countries.... that's ALL I'm sayin'!

...but, no really, I'm done TYPING about that...

...wait, what was I gonna type now?... D'OH!

Oh, good! yeah... THANKS, BRAIN! I'm gonna TRY AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!... No, DANG, wrong Brain.... Hey, I thought of something!

QUOTES

"Are we there yet?" -Jessica D (when we were in EAST TROY)

"I'm not Amber, I'm Joan Rivers... You're fabulous, darling!" -Amber (or should I credit that one to Joan Rivers?)

"Who has the key to the van?" -All of those WITHOUT the key

"I THOUGHT we were going to Denny's, but I guess not since OTHERS keep asking every couple of minutes!" -Emmitt

"Are there any more ideas we can come up with to torture Amber?" -Brenda
"You guys haven't begun to torture?" -Amber

"Eww. Emmitt spit on his M&M's" -Amber (being a liar... I was LICKING them, not spitting on them... SHEESH!)

"We can go to the IHOP!" -Jessica D
"We're not going to MADISON!" -All others

"My GOD! I'm beautiful!" -Amber

"She's not showing her underwear AGAIN, is she?" -Emmitt (after Amber showed us she had long underwear on)

"I'm hungry!" -Jessica D (seemingly every couple of minutes)

"Here we are having an intellectual conversation at DENNY'S on top of Madonna, or maybe I should have said 'over' Madonna... that sounds better! ...But the speakers are up there, so we're UNDER Madonna..." -Emmitt (babbling as usual)

"I've seen bigger..." -Brenda (RE: hotel towels)

"I love sheep!" -Amber

"Where are we eating?" -Jessica D (less than an hour after breakfast)

"I just got out of a round!" -Benny (RE: judging)

"I'm hungry!" -Jessica D

That's it, my next newsletter! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as, if not more than, I enjoyed writing it! Have a good weekend, type to y'all later!

-Emmitt
(contact me @... please no junk mail, that REALLY SUCKS!)

2/10/2003

Greetings to you Forensics-types-a:

I'ma not your regular frienda, you sons of a silly persons. I blow my nose on you, so-called Forensics-people. Your mothers were hamsters and your fathers smelt of elderberries. And that is all.

I don't know what I'm supposed to type in French there but it's the command for launching animals as far as I can tell.

Yes, that's good! THE COMEDY STYLINGS OF EMMITT MORGANS (with a little help from Monty Python) That WAS FUN!!! No, it really was! But enough about that... I've got a newsletter to ruin!

Hey! There's going to be a meeting dealing with the Sorber Tournament that will take place in Heide at 6:30 pm on Wednesday, Feb 12th. The meeting should be attended by most (if not all) of the members of the UWW-Forensics Team so that we may further plan out every little thing for OUR tournament.

DIRECTLY AFTER THAT MEETING there will be a Practice night for all of those on the team that are competing in next weekend's WCFA State Tournament and others on the team who have pieces prepared that they would like to try out in front of an audience of Forensics Team members.

ONE MORE LITTLE "THIS WEEK"-TYPE MEMO for you all is that there IS a Forensics Bowling Team that will be beginning in the League on Thursday, Feb 13th @ 6pm down in the UC Rec Center (UC basement). If you would like to come and cheer them on, you're free to do so. In fact, we'd love to see you there (as long as you don't boo us!)!

OTHER UP AND COMING THINGS:

NEXT WEEKEND (on Feb 15) is the wonderful, fabulous, not-exactly-so-highly-hyped (by me, anyway) WCFA State Forensics Tournament, taking place in beautiful WHITEWATER, WISCONSIN! If you're not competing in that particular tourney, you can DEFINITELY come and check it out (that mostly goes out to you couple of people who haven't competed yet). It will be, as most things Forensics-related, taking place in Heide Hall from around 9 am until about 7 pm. Come and check it out!

THEN, THE WEEKEND-AFTER-NEXT (on Feb 22) is the awe-inspiring, tear-jerking (hopefully not so much) Edna Sorber Tournament (also here in 'beautiful' Whitewater... oops). We will not be able to compete in this tournament but will be running it ourselves (for the most part). Most things are taken care of for commitment-type things, so there will be no long, drawn-out persuasive rants about you needing to come to the office as quickly as you can so that you might help out the forensics team in their MOST DESPERATE HOUR! Not at all. The only thing we ask is that if you know people who CAN be judges for these tournaments, please let them know about this (for more details, please e-mail the forensics team @ forensics@uww.edu). There is a very exciting time coming up on Tuesday, Feb. 18th @ 12-5pm: the all-powerful call-in for Sorber. This will be a day when some of us poor chumps will stay in the Forensics office waiting for people to call us and tell us who they are and what events their team members are going to compete in. That's pretty much the gist of it... so if you feel like you want to help out and are able to do so, make sure you let someone know by sending a little e-mail to forensics@uww.edu.

We're gonna have a showcase night for all of those who have good, fun forensics pieces (or maybe even not-so-fun ones... you don't have to follow MY wishes)... but, nonetheless, it will be a very formal, dressing-up-type event and it will take place at either 6:30 or 7pm on March 19th in the Fern Young Terrace (Center of the Arts). That's still a bit off, so there'll be more details in the future.

NOW, FOR YOUR WEEKLY VALUED REQUIREMENT OF QUOTES! (these are quotes from Stout, a little old, but better late than never... in this case, anyway)

"My name is Amber, I am your coat concierge." -Amber

"I'm sorry you're not Jason, Emmitt." -Jessica D

"I'm going to change into a pink ballerina." -Amber

"When I woke up I only had one slipper on and it was on the wrong foot." -Heather

"Jeanine and I are going to MN!" -Amber

"I have Brian's pants." -Emmitt

"You guys are getting scary." -Jeanine

"I don't BO, I am going upstairs." -Amber (flipping hair afterwards)

"I have a pickled peanut collection." -Jessica G

Very well! Happy trails!!!

2/19/2003

This is just a little, happy, fluffy, friendly reminder to let you know that there are some Forensics meetings tonight.... SO LISTEN UP!! (oh, wait... it's supposed to be 'fluffy,' isn't it?)

Anyway, tonight @ 6 there will be an E-board meeting. This will probably have a lot to do with Sorber. (go figure!) There will be a general member meeting tonight @ 7 pm in Heide Hall, Room 114. This will also probably be pertaining to Sorber to some extent, but I could just be lying or mistaken... either one.

THEN, AFTER THE GENERAL MEMBER MEETING, THE FUN BEGINS!!!! We, the members of the forensics team, will be finishing up some things for Sorber, so BE THERE.... AND be square.... (ahh.. Simpsons..gaararrrr)

There will be some socials coming up... TOMORROW NIGHT, Thursday, February 20th @ 6pm our Forensics Bowling team will be competing in the wonderful Student Org. Bowling League. Come down to the Rec. Center in the UC to cheer on these wonderful folks! (I'm one of them, so you better MAKE SURE you're there... just kidding... heh, heh)

The Sorber Tournament is coming up this weekend on Saturday (if you didn't already know or REALIZE this) and we'll only be RUNNING this competition, not competing in it. (For more details, please come to the general member meeting mentioned above)

Well... my point is that there's going to be a social for all of those who are helping with sorber and it's going to be at Brenda's apartment. It'll be fun, we'll make a little noise (just a little) and watch some movies or something else that's also not so illegal. You can get directions to her apartment during the Sorber tournament, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Okay, it's been nice typin' to you... I've gotta let you go because I have people bugging me to gain access to this computer. ake it easy (OR SO other people tell me when I leave... I'm not THAT skeptical, or AM I?)

-Emmitt

2/21/03

Hello everyone! How are yousa?

Okay, I'm gonna do this and get it over with (I can just imagine people reading the previous sentence and cheering with immense joy).

I've gotta remind all of you fine peoples that you should make it to Sorber (Heide Hall) @ 7:30 am to help with preparations (setting up various things). When I say you SHOULD make it to Heide by then, I mean you WILL make it there by 7:30 am! SO BE THERE, ALREADY!

After all of the fun of Sorber, there will be a fun social at Brenda's apartment. Once again, I'll just let you know that you can get the directions @ Sorber. It should be a lot of fun, happy, good times.

After Sorber, the other issues seem to be moving toward E-board positions for next year. If you are interested in being on the E-board next year, let SOMEONE know... maybe Jeanine, or Mike... ANYONE! You can even let me know if you really want to!

Otherwise, that Showcase Night for nationals will be March 19th @ 6:30 pm in the Fern Young Terrace (in the CA). More details will come as that date approaches.

A Forensics Bowling Team UPDATE:
On Thursday, February 20th, 2003 the UWW-Forensics Bowling Team had their first round of Student Organization Bowling League competitions. Although they were plagued by a curse of the "9 pins" and a very strange outbreak of biting that occurred... not to mention the fact that the whole team turned into a group of British bowlers and that I got a 10-pin spare with a granny roll... they did... well, to be honest, quite shamefully (to put it nicely).

There were some choice words used by the members of the UWW-Forensics Team to express their utter defeat in their first competition, but I have deemed them quite inappropriate for this newsletter... oh, well. Hopefully they will actually get a 300 (as a FULL TEAM, at least) next time.

Since I feel as thought I do not have much more to say for the time being, I will let everyone know that I have some quotes... but you probably will have realized this by the fact that there ARE quotes under this statement... once again I must say "oh, well!"

Quotes from 2003 WCFA Tournament:

"You're not related to baby food?" -Emmitt (to Amber Gerber)

"Break a leg... or break your opponent's leg!" -Ben

"I don't have any feet on my head." -Emmitt

"You're with BRADLEY, tell us!" -Amber (to a Alumni [I forgot who it was])

"Amber, I think you have an obsession with lobsters." -Jessica G

"I am an applause-(word omitted)." -Emmitt

All right, I hope you're happy... no really, I do! I DO!!

-Emmitt

2/27/03

Hey! Wazzzzaaaaaauuuuppp????

Uh, huh... RIGHT! Anyway, once again I have taken over as the rightful e-mail-writer-type-person. I guess that's the best, most concise way to put it... no, wait... I'M STUPID!!!... Well I guess I didn't need to tell you THAT!

SORBER IS OVER! YAY!

That deserved its own line... DEFINITELY!

There's other stuff going on, but I won't bore you with TOO many of the details... no one likes to be bored (at least I don't THINK so). There WILL be a General Member meeting next Wednesday, March 5th at 7 pm preceded by a E-board meeting @ 6 pm. If you hadn't already figured, it WILL be in Heide Hall. The main points of these meetings will primarily be the E-board positions for next year and... umm, that's ABOUT it. (I mean, there's more... but I said I'd spare the 'boring' stuff, so GO ME)

BTW, (that means 'by the way') if any of you general members would like to be on the E-board next year, there will be elections and such things. If you're really thinking you'd like to be one of "The Few, The Proud, The E-board," drop us a line (forensics@uww.edu) and let us know 'such things.'

All right, I have a quick notice for you all. If you would like some visual entertainment, our Forensics Bowling team will be competing at the Rec. center tonight @ 6:30 pm. It is guaranteed to be quite a show (if it's anything like last week's experience)

I do have one last reminder, the fabulous showcase night will be at 6:30 on March 19th... that's still a while, but if you're going to be presenting your piece in it, make sure you practice and make sure you're ready with Jeanine sometime between now and then.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... SORBER QUOTES...

WHOOPS, JUST KIDDING! I left the small list of quotes I had in my dorm room and I'm not going to send out this e-mail any later than today, so you'll just have to deal with it!

Well, here are some quotes from memory that come from our great trip to the Eau Claire-Eau Claire swing... well, it's REALLY the Eau Claire-Ripon swing, but we were on the UWEC campus both days, so I just decided that's what I'd call it... MOVING ON!

"Yay! I'm going to kill people with my cookies!" -Jessica

"Burning the peasants? That's not cool!" -Amber

"Are you still pregnant?" -Amber (to Emmitt... yeah, okay then)

"You can tell we're from the UWW Forensics team when we're quoting shows from the 80's." -? (Amber, probably... I don't know if that's anywhere close to what was said, but it's MOST LIKELY close)

3/12/03

Hello everybody!

I'm just sending this little newslettery-type-thing to all of you to let you know about a couple of things that are coming up quite soon and some other things that aren't AS pressing, but are fairly important.

First of all, there won't be any meeting tonight. There WILL be a meeting concerning the setup of the showcase night and that will take place before the showcase night NEXT Wednesday (March 19th) @ 5 and as far as I know it will take place at the Fern Young Terrace (any necessary corrections will be e-mailed as soon as they may or may not become available). The showcase night is, definitely, going to take place at the Fern Young Terrace @ 6:30. It is possible that the showcase night will be taped, so if any of you presenting your pieces have any problem with this, make sure you let us know by Friday!

Nominations for people to run for next year's e-board will be accepted until April 2nd... this WILL be the deadline! So far, the only position that has not had any nominations is the Programmer position. If you're interested, make sure you nominate yourself (or someone else) to the position(s) in which you're interested.

The next e-board and general member meetings will be April 9th. Exact times (if they happen to change from the usual ones) will be given by the next update/newslettery-type-thing.

Oh, I almost forgot... Our amazing UWW-Forensics Bowling team will be competing again this Thursday (tomorrow) at 6 pm in the Rec. Center and I must say that all of you should come down and cheer them on (it counts as a social, if that helps any).

-Emmitt
(I have Sorber quotes... I promise!

4/23/03

Hey everyone... it's been a long time...

I gotta let you know about some things. This might not be the longest or most interesting newsletter, but hopefully I'll include all of the important stuff at the very least. Well, you probably already knew this, but there will be an E-board/general member meeting (both of them together) today @ 6:30 pm in Heide 114. The topics for this meeting will include the Spring Banquet, the Forensics Constitution, and the election results. It sounds like a lot of fun to me! Speaking of election results, I have those very things for everyone! All right! Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce to you the Fall 2003-Spring 2004 UWW Forensics Team E-board:

President - Mike Wessely
Vice-President - Amber Gerber
Treasurer - Dan Hubanks
Membership Liason - Emmitt Morgans
Secretary - Jessica Gleason
Programmer - Heather Dow

Many thanks to those who came forward but did not get elected. You will be an intregral part of the team and we look forward to your active involvement. Thank you all and congratulations to the new Executive Board for 2003-2004!

Now that that's over with, I have some other little stuff to let you know... The current E-board is expected to formulate write-ups containing the many different things they did in their E-board position these past two semesters and include a list of things that they could do in the future (to make the position better/possibly even more useful).

As far as I know, this is the last week of Student Org bowling. I don't know if any of the Forensics team will be participating as I will be busy with rehearsal for "The Importance of Being Earnest," but the league will be starting @ 6 tomorrow in the Student Rec. Center. Well, that's about it. I'm glad it was quite short and relatively painless!

Cheers,
Emmitt Morgans

9/13/2003

Hello! How are all of you doing this year? Your friendly neighborhood membership liason here, letting you know about some great goings-on in the little world of UW-W Forensics. By the way, welcome back! Okay, the only real purpose of this e-mail is to brainwash... I mean... to let you know about the new member meetings coming up this week. They will be taking place on September 15 and 16 at 7pm in Heide 114. Why am I bringing this up to you (is what I'm guessing some of you are thinking)?

The reason is that we would like to have a few returning people come to the meetings to meet the "newbies" and to stress the awesomeness of forensics. And besides, there's free pizza, so why would you NOT come? (just remember that you need to bring your own beverage) NOW I'm guessing I'll see many of you at the meetings (well, I won't be able attend the meeting on the 16th due to a conflict with my play rehearsal for "Zombies from the Beyond" [Barnett Theatre- Oct 15-18@7:30pm & Oct 19@2pm] but I hope you will come anyway [and also go to "Zombies"... not for any SPECIFIC reason, mind you])

Now that I'm through with my shameless self-promotion... I mean, dispersion of very integral forensics information, I will leave you with the wonderful thought that I will probably not be sending you another e-mail until Thursday. Yes, music to your ears, no?

("Emmitt out of contact with me for 4-5 days!?... YES!")

So, I'll make good on my promise by finally ending this e-mail (why did I have to write a novel, right?) and leaving you to anticipate the awesomeness of my first UW-W Forensics newsletter for the Fall '03 semester.

Your friend/enemy,
Emmitt Morgans

(Everyone is different. No two people are not on fire. awwwww)
NOTICE: if any strangeness has been detected in the above e-mail message, good job!

9/22/03

*You didn't think there was going to be an e-mail, but guess what there's an E-MAIL!!!* Hello, how are you all doing this fine Monday? Can't answer me by merely talking?... oh, yeah... you can't!.. Never mind then! I'm just sending you this little bit of insanity to try to let you know about a very few brief little things that are going on in the world of UW-W Forensics. (If I sent you these facts any later, it'd probably be too late)

Firstly (and coincidently secondly) there will be an E-board meeting (the E-boarders know who they are) on Wednesday, September 24 at 6:00 PM in the forensics office (HE 113A) AND a GENERAL MEMBER (I hope you know who you are... in general) meeting [pssst... general means everyone else involved in UW-W Forensics... and the e-board, too] on the same day (Wednesday, September 24) at 6:30 PM in Heide 114.

Discussion will include such things as upcoming tournaments and office concerns (including some 'DIGITAL GOODNESS'... but don't say I told you so... I could be wrong). Other than that, I guess you're now prepared for the awesomeness of Wednesday's meetings. Enjoy the rest of your Monday and your Tuesday... and we all know you'll enjoy your respective Wednesdays.

TTFN,
Emmitt MemberLiason-Man

9/30/03

Hello everybody (hey Dr. Nick)!
How are you all doing?... Good? Well, I guess I'm doing pretty well...so-so... So... lets get started with some Forensics-mail... Firstly, unfortunately, I have some very bad news. I can't think of how to put this, so bear with me. Last week Wednesday, Jessica Delo passed away. She was a great friend and a wonderful person and it's an understatement to say that she will be greatly missed. We love you, Jessica... Our prayers are with you and your family... We will be signing a card for the Delo family and donating money so the hospital bills and other fees will not be such an added burden at this difficult time. ...It's difficult for me to write right now... so bear with me... We will be having a Forensics general member meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, October 1st at 6:15 pm in Heide 112 (possibly 114)... Otherwise, the social that was planned has been pushed back to next week due to lack of motivation... Have a good week, I'll be sending out more e-mails if there happens to be anything else important to relay to you all.
-Emmitt